2008-10-11T02:02:18Z http://bilde.com/atom.aspx Quick Blogcast tag:bilde.com,2008-10-09:0cda6dd5-5c52-4892-9997-eb2a18a283fa Michael Bilde 2008-10-09T21:34:33Z 2008-10-09T21:14:00Z
"It is with great sadness that we can confirm that flight GI79 touched down at Denpasar at 11:05 AM," a spokesman for the airline said.

The flight, carrying 238 passengers and 15 crew, took off from the capital of Jakarta at 8:46 AM and was expected to crash at around 9:15 AM. But something went wrong midair.

It is the first time ever that a scheduled Indonesian flight has landed safely. And the country's president, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, has already launched an investigation into the incident.

"I am utterly shocked, and my heart goes out to those on board and their families. It must have been a terrifying experience," he said.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-08:cfd413cf-86ce-4115-a0c6-d04a2d16202d Michael Bilde 2008-10-09T00:04:34Z 2008-10-08T23:48:00Z
The founder of the website, Mark Zuckerberg, has decided to use the Chinese version of Facebook universally in order to streamline operations.

"Although Facebook has 100 million English-speaking users, we have more than 400 million users in China and other Chinese-speaking countries. And we all know which market is growing faster. So, it is only fair to accommodate these people," he said.

From January 1, 2009, the entire Facebook interface will be in standard Mandarin Chinese. But Zuckerberg is convinced non-Chinese speaking users will be able to adjust.

"We will offer online Chinese lessons free of charge, and we encourage users to set up groups dedicated to learning basic Mandarin."

The first reaction among Facebook users was mixed. One of them, 17-year-old Chuck from Alabama, said he was "worried".

"It sucks. I don't even know what 'suck' is in Chinese."

Others were more optimistic. Like 46-year-old Giuseppe of Rome, Italy.

"We Italians don't speak English anyway. So we might as well learn a new language that is more useful," he said through an interpreter.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-07:0120fcf3-f6dd-4cb4-957f-e7177d5d30ec Michael Bilde 2008-10-08T09:39:33Z 2008-10-07T22:39:00Z
"It began pretty well. I think I did a good job, and my points were well-taken. But I have to say my opponent was scary tonight," a soft-spoken Obama said.

"About halfway into the debate, things began turning nasty. I got a really good grilling on every major issue: Domestic affairs, taxes, the economy, the race issue. And at the end of the day, I lost."

Despite losing the debate to wife Michelle, Obama insisted he still "very much" loves her.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-06:615244f0-b52c-49be-8c11-1ab382ac603d Michael Bilde 2008-10-07T22:34:27Z 2008-10-06T21:14:00Z
"Once again, America thinks it is the world leader. But that $700 billion rescue plan is tiny compared to our crisis," the former president said.

"Our great oil company Lukoil lost $20 billion in just one day. And several of our moguls have seen their fortunes get wiped out in a matter of hours. Try beating that!"
 
According to Putin, the Russian stock market has been suspended several times recently. Something no other major stock market has managed.

"The coming Russian depression will make the 1930s in America look like a walk in the park. These are new times. Our great nation is an emerging leader who does not take orders from anyone," Putin said.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-05:cc549fa4-e023-42f2-8634-cf82d4ddee49 Michael Bilde 2008-10-07T22:33:19Z 2008-10-05T23:31:00Z
"Since I was a kid, I've loved this word and wanted to own it. It's so simple, but beautiful. I know of no other word that so precisely describes its meaning," he said in a statement from a Las Vegas jail.

According to a United States Patent and Trademark Office spokesman, it is normally not possible to trademark common words. But Simpson's case was special.

"Following extensive deliberations, our sub committee found that the word 'idiot' has indeed become synonymous with O.J. Simpson. Kids today often say 'you O.J.' instead of 'you idiot', and adults are beginning to use it more often than 'moron'. So the word had, de facto, already become a trademark of Mr. Simpson."

The former star plans to use his trademarked word to launch a range of new commercial products from his prison cell. Among the items: The Idiot Talking Doll, the "Idiot's Guide to a Killer Look" and "A Billion Idiotic Things to do Before You Die an Idiotic Death".]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-03:937f2052-5871-48a4-9645-0003de12c7ff Michael Bilde 2008-10-03T22:21:12Z 2008-10-03T22:04:00Z
Tyson earned his doctoral degree in just two years - a new record at the prestigious institution.

"I am delighted and thrilled that I have successfully concluded my advanced studies. I shall now pursue a career within the private sector," 42-year-old Tyson said.

His PhD is in nuclear science, and the dissertation centered on how nuclear technology may prevent global warming.

"Doing the dissertation was not that difficult, really. But I did face several moral dilemmas in the process. Should we allow nuclear technology to be used for peaceful purposes, for example?"

Tyson has already been approached by "several leading companies" in the U.S. and Europe and is rumored to be in the running for a Nobel Physics Prize next year.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-03:86e3b5bb-e1f8-4107-926b-736fc3bbf4c8 Michael Bilde 2008-10-03T00:42:44Z 2008-10-03T00:30:00Z
"Yes, I can confirm I'm leaving Todd to be with Joe. He's the most amazing person I've ever met," Palin said.

The Republican Party hopeful fell for her 65-year-old opponent's "charms and stunning looks" during the debate in St. Louis.

"I'm fascinated by Joe's knowledge of foreign policy. And when he attacked me, I felt like a real woman."

Joe Biden also confirmed he is seeking a divorce from wife Jill in order to marry the Alaska governor.

"Sarah is the most beautiful pig with lipstick I've ever come across. And she likes my six pack, too," he said in a statement.

The couple is now expected to run on the same presidential ticket for The Love Party.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-02:139083c5-1e95-4037-8c12-0d3c6b731be4 Michael Bilde 2008-10-02T07:52:17Z 2008-10-02T07:27:00Z
"This is a vicious lie. I have never worn - and will never wear - a wig. I don't even use hair gel," an angry Trump said.

He is demanding $100 million in compensation.

Meanwhile, Trump has bought failed newspaper the New York Sun, which will be renamed The Daily Trump. It will feature the latest updates on Trump and his companies and include commentaries by leading thinkers, more specifically Donald Trump.

"The whole world, including myself, look forward to reading what I have to say," he said. ]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-10-01:c4cb2050-832a-46f7-8c41-18a361f5ceab Michael Bilde 2008-10-01T01:16:54Z 2008-10-01T00:48:00Z
"I am very pleased to confirm that we have bought this great company," HP chairman and CEO Mark Hurd said.

The combined company will be named Hell and employ 200,000 people in 186 countries - 50 percent less than today.

"But we plan to use more child labor at Dell's sweatshops in India and Myanmar, so we are looking at some great synergy effects."

Although the sales price has not been published, experts estimate it at "a shitload".

Michael Dell is expected to leave the company and concentrate on the preparations for his 17th birthday.

Meanwhile, Saudi prince Al-Walid bin Talal bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud has failed in his bid to take over Microsoft.

"It was a tempting offer. But he insisted on naming the company after himself," co-founder Bill Gates said.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-29:3dc3b9cf-5438-471e-b3f1-5b3991ad4e2e Michael Bilde 2008-09-29T23:47:57Z 2008-09-29T23:39:00Z
In a televised address to the American people, Bush said he has "never experienced anything like this" before.

"These are uncertain times. We all feel worried and insecure about the situation. But we must remain strong. Because after rain comes sunshine," a clearly emotional president said.

Bush is convinced America will get through these difficult times if all parties unite and do their best to solve the problem.

"Miracles do happen. Let us all pray that Brad and Angelina stay together." ]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-29:1cbb5f38-d1cf-4349-b015-9a82e8dd693d Michael Bilde 2008-09-29T06:42:31Z 2008-09-29T06:09:00Z
"Let's face it. Alaska's present location pretty much sucks. Why stare at Russia when you can look at beautiful California or serene Texas," she said.

According to John McCain's running mate, there are many advantages to moving the state down south.

"Bristol wants to work in a strip club. But there are hardly any strip clubs up here. And it will be much easier for Track to sell his drugs if we move the state closer to some of the large urban areas."

The Alaska governor's husband, Todd, supports the move.

"Todd reckons his snow scooter business will collapse anyway with the North Pole melting away. So he wants to start a new life doing family friendly insurance fraud," Palin said.

Meanwhile, former President Bill Clinton said he was "shocked" to learn that Palin has admitted having an affair with former business partner Brad Hanson.

"It's just not right of her to admit to these allegations. Everyone knows I had sex with that woman. Brad didn't," he said in a statement.  

In a related story, website TMZ.com has obtained a video of actor Verne Troyer having sex with John McCain during a party for Vietnam veterans.

"I was feeling really low at that time," Troyer admitted.

TMZ is suing Troyer for "emotional distress" after several of the gossip site's staff unintentionally watched the video.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-27:a3fb74d9-2f13-44ba-9345-657d3870eb2f Michael Bilde 2008-09-27T13:12:12Z 2008-09-27T12:18:00Z
"Our economy is booming, and we simply don't have enough manpower available. So, we hope Westerners will come and help us out," President Asif Zardari said.

According to Zardari, everyone from "former Lehman Brothers employees to retirees and disabled people" are welcome to apply for the job as suicide bomber.

"Especially investment bankers would be perfect for the job. They have short fuses, explosive egos and don't give shit about other people's lives," he said.

"Pakistan offers an excellent package: Free dynamite, flexible working hours, great colleagues from around the world and guaranteed lifetime employment."

Meanwhile, Al Qaeda's Iraqi branch lashed out at Pakistan.

"This is unfair competition. We badly need suicide bombers as well, but cannot offer such great packages," a spokesman said.

The World Suicide Bombers Association will meet next week in Paris to discuss the shortage. It is expected to be the association's last meeting before getting dissolved.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-25:b6a92906-fd42-4a5c-832e-7ddf3305ca0f Michael Bilde 2008-09-25T23:52:08Z 2008-09-25T23:28:00Z
"Mr. Cruise is no longer welcome in our family. We feel that his erratic behavior might jeopardize our outstanding public reputation," a Scientology spokesman said.

Cruise is said to be "devastated" by the decision. But when asked about the situation outside a leg-lengthening clinic in Los Angeles early Friday, he seemed upbeat.

"Katie and I have already joined the Raelian Movement. We couldn't be happier," he said.

Sources say the movement was unsure whether to welcome the Cruises or not, but in the end found they would probably not do too much harm.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-25:fb1d9003-3a77-4e05-b4ef-aec7de481efe Michael Bilde 2008-09-25T03:06:09Z 2008-09-25T02:42:00Z
The socialite and actress published her 567-page, highly anticipated plan Wednesday night after the closing of the stock market. In it, she proposes measures worth $130 billion to help the country's struggling financial institutions.

Hilton suggests raising funds by exporting more oil and natural gas - and increasing sales of her latest single.

"Ms. Hilton's plan is a brilliant move by a gifted young lady. This is a time to unite, and with this amazing individual's efforts we will get through this crisis," Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said.

The Republican Party's John McCain also hailed the rescue package from Hilton.

"This plan is excellent. It is what our nation needs. Let us put our differences aside and reinstate America as the world's financial leader," he said.

Paris Hilton was not available for comments late Wednesday as she was engaged in a videotaped orgy with singer P. Diddy.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-24:f5143b78-76bc-4ff9-b2e0-81327e88297d Michael Bilde 2008-09-24T00:16:44Z 2008-09-24T00:03:00Z
The phone, sold under the name T-Mobile G1, can surf the Internet, take satellite photos, make coffee and kill Microsoft founder Bill Gates with a poisonous arrow. But Google's development team did not include voice telephony.

"We kinda forgot that part. It sucks. But hey, you can still use Skype on it," co-founder Sergey Brin said.

Google now plans to release a limited Platinum edition of the phone - retailed at $9,999 - that will be able to make phone calls.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-23:982a885a-2c39-4c07-b67b-a05d12c4f128 Michael Bilde 2008-09-23T05:00:39Z 2008-09-23T04:30:00Z
According to the Greek-born star, the restroom was "totally inadequate" and caused him injury during a visit there last week.

"The toilet cubicle was far too narrow for my client to have sex with the trucker he picked up outside the restroom," his lawyer said in a statement.

"As a result, he suffered emotional distress and injured his left hand during the unsuccessful intercourse."

Later, George Michael told fans outside his home:

"I pay taxes too, you know. These toilets should function properly. Not being able to have good sex there is a breach of basic human rights."

Meanwhile, Michael's romantic encounter, the 63-year-old unnamed trucker, said sex with the star was still "pretty good".

"'But he sure doesn't beat Elton John," he said.

]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-22:d51129bf-bcc2-4586-bfa3-ac32b580f52d Michael Bilde 2008-09-22T09:50:57Z 2008-09-22T09:34:00Z
"The current financial turmoil is clearly taking its toll on Moody's. We had no other choice than to downgrade them. Besides, they suck," a spokesman for Standard & Poor's said.

Moody's responded five minutes later by downgrading Standard & Poor's to the worst grade as well.

"Standard & Poor's is nothing but crap. Absolutely worthless BB," a Moody's spokesman said.

Meanwhile, third large agency Fitch said it had downgraded itself following "disappointing" financial results.

"We are basically a bunch of losers and strongly advise investors worldwide to invest in other companies than ours," the company said.
]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-19:972b3fb6-f288-4de9-b401-04ff924bcd55 Michael Bilde 2008-09-19T07:25:15Z 2008-09-19T07:17:00Z
"That story is f****** untrue. How the f*** can they write I was sober when everyone present knows that wasn't the case," an angry Winehouse told TMZ.com.

Winehouse is claiming compensation for "emotional distress".

"Ms. Winehouse demands 100 barrels of Guinness and a huge amount of non-legal drugs. We are confident we have a good case," her lawyer said.]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-18:b8fe0ac7-a8b9-461d-8e5c-71d6e49d1d56 Michael Bilde 2008-09-18T06:52:54Z 2008-09-18T06:27:00Z
The group, called Anonymous, has published 115 emails that the president sent and received during the last month.

In one of them, sent just a few days ago, Bush asks his father for advice:

"Hi Pop,

What does the 'Bush doctrine' mean? And what is a doctrine?
 
Thanks
George (your oldest son)"

In another one, he seems to be helping the Democratic Party's presidential candidate.

"Hi Barack

It's me, George. Just heard this one. Pretty funny. Use it any way you want:

'You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.'

Keep in touch!

George"

The president's Yahoo email also contains a lot of spam. Including one of the so called "Nigeria letters". To which Bush replied:

"Dear Mr. Obora Kwanwsi

Thanks for the proposition of giving me $20 million. I have forwarded your message to Dick Cheney, who is very interested. He will get back to you.

Yours
George W. Bush
Prez"

Secret Service is looking into the theft and has already summoned former football star O.J. Simpson for questioning.
]]> tag:bilde.com,2008-09-16:f1c4b312-1940-4703-80b8-29d687eef389 Michael Bilde 2008-09-16T21:53:28Z 2008-09-16T21:36:00Z
"America is an evil country. But we Koreans are compassionate people, and we must help the Yanks in these the most difficult of times," President Kim Jong Il said.

Pyongyang will initially send 1.6 million bags of rice to the U.S., where the Red Cross will help distribute it. Also, the communist country has prepared about 40,000 "goody bags" for former Lehman Brothers employees.

"These investment bankers are in a very, very bad situation. I would not be able to bear it myself if I had to let go of my Ferraris," the leader said.

Former President Bill Clinton immediately thanked the North Korean people for their help. But he is worried the aid might not get through.

"And I think we need chicks more than rice. I hope Mr. Kim can look into this urgent matter."]]>